Trouser Press Thursdays – July 1979

So last week there was no Trouser Press Thursdays because I was out of town. I thought I might have been able to get it done before leaving, but that never happened.

No big deal.

But I was STRUGGLIN’ this week while doing this review. One thing I like about this magazine is that it feels like a continuous story when reading each issue. Things from previous issues are referenced and not just in the letter column. When I read it every week, I feel like I’m part of the “family” or the “scene” because I’m remembering and connecting the reviews, the people, and the ads. Granted, this magazine is monthly, so back in the day you probably did forget some stuff from the previous issue. But since I’m burning through them each week, it doesn’t give me time to forget. This is also one of the reasons I love SCTV – each episode relies on things that happened on the previous episode and the story continues. SNL has recurring characters, but not recurring story.

But back to my original point –

Missing that week of reviewing made it a little harder to read and review through this one. I forgot about which album reviews I was looking forward to, which Raving Faves question I was waiting for, etc…But after a while I got into the swing of it. I remembered Wazmo’s stupid ass from the previous issue and unfortunately, he makes an appearance in this one. But overall, it was a pretty decent issue.

And – SPOILER ALERT – I have a special guest reviewer joining me for this review! My good friend Boston Steve will be popping in with his thoughts and comments throughout the review. I asked him because he’s a huge Stones fan and thought it would be appropriate given the cover story.

And once again, if you’d like to read any of these articles/interviews/reviews in their entirety, please check out trouserpress.com. That New Barbarians article was pretty big, so you’ll have to read most of it there.

Enough bullshitting – let’s get to the REAL bullshit that was Trouser Press Magazine in July 1979…….

Boston Steve (BS): The cover drawing of Ron Wood and Keith Richards speaks to me. It says, “If you can draw Sparky, we’d love to have you run our art department.”

Myrtlewood (MW): Or like if MAD Magazine’s “Usual Gang of Idiots” really were idiots.

And we have Robert Fripp for the inside cover advert this month. It says “The first step on the drive to 1981”.

Did they just forget about 1980? Because last I checked – we’re still in 1979.

You know what though – 1980 is a pretty shitty year, so its best to follow Fripps lead and just go straight into 1981.

BS: So Robert (I was in King Crimson and I assure you that was a thing) Fripp is on the inside flap promoting his latest album. Meh.

Ok, there are times when Bryan Ferry looks like shit (remember last issues MUSTACHE FISACO?), but then there’s other times where he looks pretty good and this is one of them.

Uh, is that a HEART SHAPED VINYL RECORD above his head?

DON’T LET TROUSER PRESS FIND OUT ABOUT IT, BOGIE AND BRYAN!

*Mustache Fiasco is my new indie band name.

Shit, they’re cutting it pretty close with this announcement since Down to Earth was released in August 1979.

I love Rainbow and I love all three main singers (Ronnie James Dio, Graham Bonnet, and Joe Lynn Turner), but I have a soft spot in my heart for Graham Bonnet and this album. I think he and the rest of the band did a PHENOMINAL job on it and I always liked the fact the Graham was a clean-cut kinda guy that could still rock.

Ugh, now I have “Homicide” stuck in my head.

AMEN Brother Christopher Noye of Downingtown, PA. I can only imagine what it was like to be listening to music back in 1979 when most of Clapton’s shit (and I mean SHIT) was fresh.

Awwwwwww………

Subscriber Record Thunderdome this month has some decent choices. I would pick Devo, of course. Tin Huey was in that article about Ohio bands that love/hate Devo (April 1979 issue) and I don’t want to listen to an album from a bunch of whiners, even if it is free.

This months Raving Faves is pretty good, but I would consider half of these songs to be “one-hit wonders”, not just on an album with one good song. Granted, back then they may have thought that some of these bands might have had another hit in them, but seriously – “Fire” by Arthur Brown came out in 1968 (I think), so yeah – you guys could have called that one.

BS: Let’s talk Nico. Okay let’s not.  If you’re unfamiliar with Nico stop reading and keep the streak alive. If you insist on knowing more, she was a German model that spokesang pretentious songs with that alluring “get yourself a weed whacker and make love at me” husky lad voice. Nope.

MW: Did you know that Nico died while riding a bike trying to score drugs? The More You Know (insert shooting star).

Originally I thought I was a little harsh on No Dice in the last issue review, but after reading this interview and seeing their stupid nicknames (seriously, Gary?), I clearly thought wrong.

Produced by the worst member of KISS too.

This interview gave me an alternative ulcer.

And now I must apologize to No Dice for making fun of their band name in the last issue review.

Horslips has the title belt now.

BS: Horslips are regarded as the founding fathers of Celtic rock. If that sentence doesn’t stop you from reading the article, then I sleep with a clear conscience. Maybe its the gummies?

If you don’t know, now you know: Trouser Press Magazine got their name from a Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band song.

BS: Okay, Keith brings a pharmacy on tour to Canada, gets busted, faces jailtime. Judge court-orders him to perform two concerts, so he hijacks Ron Woods band and calls it The Barbarians. There already is a Barbarians, so they rename the band The Originals….no wait…The New Barbarians. Any confusion avoided. Brilliant! I’m naming my band The New Pearl Jam. Come see us and don’t forget to hit the merch table! Cara works so hard. NPJ, I mean, The New Barbarians played an additional 18 shows to decent reviews. As interviews go, I didn’t get through all of Ron Woods because Ron Wood, but Keith’s was okay.

BS: The Ramones. Okay, I love the Ramones. They sold more T shirts than records and every now and then I am tempted to stop a teen wearing one and ax them to name three Ramones songs, not including “What I Like About You.” All downstrokes Joey and De-Dee?! That’s damn near impossible, but what a distinct sound!

For when you’re not feeling snobby enough when reading the original Trouser Press Magazine….

I keed. I have the Trouser Press Record Guides, so who am I to judge?

This month it’s the Faces Family Tree. You know what else is on faces? A nose, because this was a snooooooooore to read.

More Moore!

If you think you hate Van Halen II, just wait.

I’m totally stealing the line “…aren’t half bad. They’re about 40% bad.”

Ugh. WAZMO!

This ad is like puking on a pile of shit. Huge Heart had that terrible overly boring and dry ad in the last issue and we all know how much I disliked Wazmo and his “hit”.

Since you can see the ad behind this one due to the cheap paper, here you go:

And we end this issue with Brian Jones on the inside back cover and David Bowie looking equally as dead on the back cover.

So there you go and there we went with the July 1979 issue of Trouser Press Magazine. A big thanks to Boston Steve for his input and comments about this issue. Even though it doesn’t sound like it, I’m just enjoying reading and reliving the music world in 1979, because like I stated above – 1980 is going to be a shit show.

See you next week for August 1979!

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